7 Causes Of Attachment Trauma

Did you know that you have an attachment style? We all do. From the time we’re born, our attachment style is shaped by the caretakers in our lives. This typically relates to the fact that how our parents related to us very much influences how we interact with others as an adult. Unfortunately, this crucial reality is rarely discussed.

If our basic needs are not properly met during childhood, the result can be a condition called attachment trauma. Without reliable and present caretakers, we can feel neglected, abandoned, or abused. This will inform us as we move forward and connect with other people.

1. Neglect

As infants and young children, we are reliant on others for everything. If our needs are not met — or even acknowledged — we learn a harsh lesson. Yes, before we even have the language and cognitive skills to understand it, we are being taught that we cannot rely on anyone —not even a loved one. In such a setting, one child can be forced to take on the role of an adult to help siblings. This is also a common catalyst for childhood trauma.

2. Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Abuse

This is the most heinous example. A vulnerable child is exploited and harmed — quite often by someone they know. It’s a major challenge to learn how to trust again.

3. Abandonment

Of course, abandonment can be quite literal when a parent leaves without any explanation. But, for a young child, any of the following can feel like abandonment:

Divorce or separation
Incarceration
A parent doing work that requires them to be away for long periods
Death of a parent
A parent or caretaker being physically or mentally ill and thus unable to properly care for a child

4. Domestic Violence

Even when the child is not the target, trauma can result from bearing witness to domestic violence. It can lead to extreme anxiety, isolation, and wariness.

5. Lack of Boundaries

Good intentions aside, some caretakers can ignore a child’s boundary to protect that child. They become controlling and leave the kid little or no room to learn and grow independently.

6. Substance Abuse

If any adult in the household is struggling with such an addiction, the dynamic of the home is skewed toward denial, deception, and distrust. Far too often, it lays the groundwork for the child to experiment with substances as soon as they get the chance.

7. Intergenerational Trauma

It’s not rare for families to unknowingly pass down trauma from generation to generation. Children learn from adults and are, therefore, conditioned to normalize dysfunctional behaviors. Later in life, this is a daunting obstacle when connecting with new people.

What Does Attachment Trauma Look Like in Adults?

Perhaps the most predictable sign relates to how people with attachment trauma interact with others. During an unhealthy childhood, they might not have developed the basic social skills they need to manage adult relationships. After all, their most formative relationships taught them negative lessons about love, trust, and support. Adults with attachment trauma may, hence, have trouble sustaining any type of connection with other adults.

Other signs of attachment trauma include:

Intrusive thoughts
Self-blame
Controlling behaviors
Easily startled
Self-sabotage
Having difficulty dealing with stress
Self-medication
Physical issues that have no clear source or explanation

So, Now What?

The information above may leave you feeling uncomfortable. But take heart because you very much can change your attachment style. Working with a trauma-informed therapist empowers you to learn more about your past and how to take healing steps right now to recover. You can thrive again and I’d love to help you make that happen, so reach out today.

7 Causes Of Attachment Trauma