Grief Counseling
Are You Struggling To Move On After A Recent Loss?
If someone in your life recently passed away, or you lost something important to you, you may find it difficult to feel like yourself again. Maybe the loss was very recent and you are having trouble even accepting your new reality. Or, perhaps it occurred some time ago, but living life has been a challenge ever since.
You may be wondering if grief counseling can help you navigate these overwhelming emotions, and figure out who you are now without your loss significantly impacting your life.
Bereavement Can Often Cause Intense Emotions
Experiencing loss can bring about a variety of intense feelings that sometimes come “out of nowhere.” Shock or disbelief may be factors, especially if this loss happened with no forewarning. A state of shock and feelings of numbness can actually be a defensive reaction from the body and mind, as it provides emotional protection from becoming overwhelmed, especially during the early stages of grief.
You may isolate yourself while reflecting on memories from the past, such as the fun times you had with your loved one. All of the feelings associated with grief are normal yet can be confusing. The realization of your loss and an acceptance of your new reality can bring about a period of self-reflection or sadness, but it can also inspire hope.
Many people experience grief mixed with complicated feelings like guilt. They may feel regret for what happened in the past, or the words they shared with a person they lost. You probably wish you could go back in time and change something about your circumstances with who or what you lost. And you probably wonder how long the pain of grief will last.
While you can’t change the past, grieving support through Toltec Counseling Services can help you move forward with self-respect and grace without grief overwhelming your day-to-day life.
Grief Impacts Everyone At Some Point
Loss and bereavement are a normal part of the human experience. Even though it is challenging to experience bouts of sadness, despair, and other complicated emotions, grief reminds us that who we lost was important to us.
It may be comforting to learn that grief doesn’t stay intense forever, and personal resilience seems to be the key to finding a sense of normalcy again. Fortunately, grief counseling helps you build that resilience that can see you through the pain. In a review of 54 recent studies, almost two-thirds of people surprisingly respond to loss and trauma with resilience. They were able to continue working, find time to socialize, and focus on day-to-day life with relative ease after their trauma or loss event. (1)
Another recent study on bereavement, specifically the loss of a significant other, found that 71 percent reacted with resilience, 24 percent felt moderately challenged but improved over time, and 5 percent experienced difficulties for a long time without changes for the better. (2)
When Our Grieving Needs Conflict With Our Culture
Many families, communities, and cultures have their own defined ways of grieving. This likely involves honoring and respecting their loss, and often, making peace with a higher power or their religions in terms of letting go of wondering “why” the loss occurred.
We live in a fast-paced culture with little room to breathe much less take on the monumental task of mourning a loss. Most employers offer less than a week for bereavement followed by an expectation to return to normal. While this may seem reasonable for some, to many others this is culturally impossible due to religious customs and cultural norms. When a person is unable to fit into the cookie-cutter grieving process, they may feel broken and begin to question why they can't “get over it.”
A counselor can provide the support and aid that your journey through grief may be missing. In bereavement counseling, grief and sadness are not simply hurdles to overcome, but transitional experiences that can leave you with a sense of hope for your future while still honoring your loss.
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Counseling Will Help You Make Room For Grief On Your Terms
Counseling with Toltec Therapy Services can give you the space for grieving no matter what it looks like. Many people have preconceived ideas about how they “should'' grieve or how long it's supposed to last. You may see others having entirely different grief experiences and wonder how they have moved on or function day to day without difficulty while you are still locked into a state of disbelief, isolation, or even depression.
While most people usually experience intense grief for a few months, some can develop complicated grief – when difficult emotions about your loss persist for a long time and keep you from getting back to your normal daily life.
Because people with complicated grief may develop deeper mental health issues or turn to substance use, it’s important to reach out for support. Therapy gives you the space, support, and time needed to grieve, process the loss, and move forward while still keeping that person in your heart.
What to Expect in Grief Therapy
Giving yourself permission to feel the range of emotions you could expect during the grieving process and accepting that grief comes in cycles will aid you over time. During counseling, I utilize several therapeutic methods to help with the grieving process.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy involves accepting your loss exactly as it is and adjusting to your new reality in which the person or whatever you lost is no longer present. You’ll also practice permitting yourself to feel other feelings such as joy without guilt.
Mindfulness and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy enable you to experience the pain of your grief, as processing all of your emotions is important in the grieving process. You may find that giving yourself space to grieve deliberately can ultimately help calm your nervous system. This also involves questioning your own thoughts and beliefs about loss and giving yourself some space to reflect on the bigger questions in life.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy often revolves around any behaviors or thoughts attached to your grief. You will have the chance to understand the connection between your loss, and complicated emotions like guilt, shame, or regret and how that pattern evolved.
In grief counseling, I help clients understand the process of remapping a life in the physical absence of their loved one. We will work towards the reorganization of traditions, anniversaries, and celebrations with a new perspective. That way you can feel assured that the memory of your loved one is not gone, but will become a part of your joyful life as you move forward.
The grieving process can be incredibly difficult, but you don’t have to face it alone. I can provide the supportive, objective guidance you need to help you process your feelings and find a way forward with dignity, resilience, and hope for your future.
You May Still Have Concerns About Grief Counseling
Do Grief Counseling techniques work?
Therapy can be helpful if you do not have a support system that allows you to be open about your grief and mental health. You may feel stuck in your bereavement process, which may indicate you struggle with complicated grief.
In complicated grief, painful emotions do not lessen in severity enough over time for you to feel capable of living your day-to-day life again without them overwhelming you. In these cases, counseling could be very valuable to untangle all of the emotions relating to your grief.
Why can’t I just get over my loss like other people have?
We don’t all process grief the same way, and you don't need to handle your grief alone, put an expiration date on your emotional journey, or feel that other people's experiences should dictate your own. It would be helpful to seek out counseling or a bereavement group so you can be surrounded by others who are empathetic and understand what you’ve been through.
How long will grief therapy last?
Counseling gives you the chance to grieve without judgment, however intense it is and however long it lasts. You may find that giving yourself this kind of space to feel freely with the guidance of a counselor helps immensely with processing your bereavement.
Also, navigating intense grief on your own may be less scary and overwhelming once you have learned about the grieving process and view your bereavement in a more objective and normalized way.
Reach Out For A Guiding Hand In Your Grief Journey
Grief can feel overwhelming, and without support, it can seem like a neverending uphill battle toward happiness again. Contact Toltec Therapy Services for a brief phone consultation at (760) 834-9008 to learn how a compassionate and safe environment for your grief journey can help guide you toward a brighter future.
(1) Clinical Psychology Review, Vol. 63, 2018
(2) Depression & Anxiety, Vol. 37, No. 1, 2020
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