3 Childhood Experiences That Can Cause Attachment Trauma

During childhood, a child is entirely dependent on parents or caregivers. They may not be aware of this reality, but they quickly learn who supplies the care and nurturing they need. When things don’t work out that way, a child lacks the language to talk about it, so they usually cry. When a young child experiences trauma, they are left to rely on whatever coping mechanism they can utilize.

The experiences we have in our younger days shape our adult personalities in a major way. If abuse, neglect, illness, or more were part of your childhood, you could be dealing with attachment trauma today.

What is Attachment Trauma?

Every child has emotional needs. If these needs are not reliably met, it’s commonly called a disruption. It means that a healthy relationship between child and caregiver (typically, a parent) has not been forged. Attachment trauma is a disorder in which a child in such a scenario is severely traumatized and struggles with relationships and interactions well into adulthood. 

If your needs were not met when you were most vulnerable, it’s difficult to develop typical social skills as you mature. Simply put, you don’t feel safe enough to trust others. As you can imagine, this is less than ideal when it comes to making friends, dating, or any other manner of connection. A traumatic childhood can lead you to manifest an insecure attachment style. 

3 Childhood Experiences That Can Cause Attachment Trauma

It goes without saying that countless events and situations can cause attachment trauma. Each person is different, and thus, they respond to negative events in unique ways. That said, there are common scenarios that can cause an adult to face the challenge of attachment issues. For example:

1. A Parent or Other Caregiver is Unreliable and Neglectful 

In cases like this, it’s not as if the parent is consciously targeting the child for negative treatment. A caregiver could be neglectful for many reasons, e.g.:

• There is domestic violence happening in the home

• The parent is young, inexperienced, and ill-equipped to raise a child

• The child’s caregiver is struggling with mental illness, physical disability, illness, substance abuse, or poverty

Despite having clear explanations for their behavior, it matters little to a child. A vulnerable toddler doesn’t know what addiction is and just wants their parents to be available and loving. Not receiving such care can be traumatizing. 

2. Losing a Parent/Caretaker

It could be a parent, sibling, grandparent, or someone else close to the family. If this caregiver is suddenly not present — due to death, divorce, incarceration, illness, etc. — this is a terrible jolt for a baby. When the loss occurs a little later in a child’s life, that kid can be forced into taking on the role of adult for others in the family. Either way, the seeds of attachment trauma may be planted. 

3. Abuse, Manipulation, and Violence 

Here’s where things get uglier. Sometimes, people close to the child can maliciously victimize them. The treatment can range from withholding affection to chronic abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual). Young kids can be manipulated, shamed, controlled, and forced to live in fear. In cases like this, the child may feel they have no escape as they try to make sense of their caretaker’s actions. Surviving abuse like this can leave anyone at a loss when it comes to relating to people as adults. 

Help is Available

As horrendous as all this sounds, keep in mind:

• A compassionate, qualified therapist can help you recover

• You can change your attachment style

If you or your significant partner is struggling with any of the above, I invite you to reach out and learn more about trauma therapy.