Couples Therapy
Does It Feel Like Your Relationship Has Hit A Wall?
Do you struggle to feel truly seen or heard in your partnership, leaving you with a sense of disconnection and isolation?
Are you having difficulty communicating and resolving conflicts? Perhaps you don’t feel that your emotional needs are being met and you struggle to express your needs truthfully in your relationship. Maybe your relationship is strained because of extended family dynamics that seem out of your control.
Couples therapy can provide you with objective guidance about the nature of the challenges in your relationship and the best ways to resolve them peacefully and with respect for each other.
Your Relationship Issues Could Be Adding A Lot Of Stress To Your Life
There could be any number of reasons as to why your relationship is in a dysfunctional state. You may disagree about parenting choices, have poor conflict management skills, or be dealing with painful issues like infidelity.
Maybe you continually try to express your needs, but your significant other responds in a hostile way. They might misinterpret what you say or get defensive. After a while, this could lead you to shut down rather than risk getting your partner upset.
Depending on the circumstances, signs that your relationship is struggling could include arguments, shouting, being given the silent treatment, lying, deception, and issues like stonewalling and gaslighting.
These issues can take a toll on one or both partners, leading to physical and mental health troubles from the ongoing stress. You may be experiencing anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal problems, or headaches.
What you and your partner likely want is to see positive changes in your lives, better conflict resolution, and restored faith in your commitment. Couples therapy with Toltec Therapy Services can help you navigate your differing opinions while honoring your union and the bond that brought you together in the first place.
Relationship Issues That Require Therapy Are Common
Relationships involve combining the lives of two unique people, and even the best-matched pairs sometimes deal with personality differences and disagreements. However, according to a study by Dr. John Gottman, 69 percent of couples’ problems are not solvable. (1) This means that couples have to learn to compromise on their disagreements and focus on what brings them together instead.
An issue that commonly plagues relationships is inflexible thinking - when one partner insists on being right about something and doesn’t really listen to their partner, or only pretends to listen but keeps their mind made up. A conflict resolution strategy like that usually ends in a gridlock. Instead, it’s best for people to try and understand their partner’s perspective and keep an open mind.
Many Circumstances Can Complicate A Romantic Partnership
Potential problems are more likely to appear during times of transition in people’s lives, like when children have grown up and no longer live at home, or when one partner takes on the responsibility of caring for an aging parent. These changes can introduce different stressors into the mix. Some couples’ communication skills deteriorate as they try to navigate their new reality.
Another common factor that contributes to relationship struggles is the blending of different family dynamics with the partners’ extended family. Parenting styles and family traditions can differ greatly, especially with families of different cultures. Sometimes different cultural influences can conflict with one another and make it hard for couples to see eye to eye on important issues.
No matter what circumstances you face in your relationship, learning to honor your bond and listen to your partner is one of the best skills you can learn. Couples counseling can help you practice better communication and deepen your love for each other in the process.
Have Questions? Contact Me
What Counseling Can Help Couples Achieve
Counseling can help you navigate the nature of your relationship struggles and determine if there is a communication breakdown, or if one or both of your emotional needs are not being met.
As a couples therapist, one of my objectives is to identify each of your contributions to the issues in your partnership. Another goal is to explore how the dynamics of your families of origin may impact your relationship today.
If one of you comes from a family that has poor communication skills, you may have trouble breaking free from those habits developed long ago. Couples often have to unlearn what they thought was the right way to handle a situation based on new information and feedback, but it can be hard to recognize that without an objective party like a counselor.
Sometimes, one partner has had trauma in the past that wreaks havoc on how they react to problems that are triggering in their relationship today. A couples counselor can provide a place to safely discuss how trauma in each of your lives may impact your relationship.
Counseling also enables couples to open up about past experiences like infidelity or other trust issues. These intense situations are best suited for discussion with a counselor who can guide couples toward healthy communication while keeping compassion, empathy, and respect at the forefront.
The first few sessions are mainly spent observing how the two of you self-regulate and speak to each other. This helps me identify where the communication falters and where one or both of you speak from an emotional mindset instead of a thoughtful and rational one.
Couples Therapy Techniques To Promote A Loving Bond
I utilize a variety of therapeutic methods for couples counseling that involve traditional modalities and relationship-specific approaches:
The Gottman method for couples therapy begins with an assessment of your relationship and strives to promote a healthy, functional, and rewarding bond. We’ll work on conflict resolution and communication skills to generate positive interactions and focus on how you can better connect with each other. Understanding your partner's perspective, and vice versa, is a big component in encouraging empathy for one another.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a modality based on mindfulness principles that can aid you and your partner in better accepting one another. This process involves trusting your partner's emotional reactions and experiences as well as your own. Doing so allows you both to prevent shame and guilt from coming into the mix, which can complicate emotional situations and discourage healthy communication.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is incredibly effective because it helps us uncover patterns of thinking that aren’t helpful in relationships. Quite often, people in relationships behave as though their thoughts and fears are real and factual when in fact they are not. For instance, one of you might fear that the other person will leave you or betray you when you have no reason to think that will happen. CBT can help you challenge these irrational thoughts and develop a more realistic perspective on your relationship.
At Toltec Therapy Services, you can express your needs to your partner with my guidance. You and your partner can learn to take ownership of your contributions to your relationship challenges, gaining the skills to move forward with hope for your bond to last well into the future.
You Might Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
My partner is skeptical about couples therapy - will it still be effective?
I strongly encourage both parties to attend therapy together for it to be successful. Both partners should agree that therapy would be beneficial for their relationship.
That said, going to counseling is a voluntary decision. If someone feels forced into attending therapy by their partner they are less likely to see the value in maintaining their relationship. Both of you probably have individual reasons for going to counseling related to your partnership, and sometimes sessions involving one partner at a time can help you sort through what these reasons are.
Can a relationship survive an affair?
Yes, it can. There may not be a 100 percent guarantee for the survival of a relationship after an affair, but relationships can and do recover. Moving on may come with mixed feelings and uncertainty, but as each participant takes responsibility for their actions, they can rebuild their trust based on their love and affection for one another.
Does couples counseling work?
According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 97 percent of couples said that seeing a therapist gave their relationship the help that it needed and almost 80 percent said therapy had an all-around positive impact. (2) It's important to note that success is more likely if both partners are willing to put in the effort.
Both partners’ commitment to couples counseling indicates a strong desire to stay in and work on their union. In my opinion, this has the biggest impact on therapy’s effectiveness.
Let Couples Therapy Create Opportunities For Your Relationship To Thrive
Toltec Therapy Services provides couples with an open-minded and healing environment to talk about their relationship. Therapy can help you rebuild trust, learn communication skills, and find hope for your relationship’s future. Reach out for a brief consultation at (760) 834-9008 to discuss how therapy can help your union.
Recent Posts
