How to Process Grief After Divorce
Every divorce involves unique factors. Things can range from acrimony to relief and well beyond. But there’s one emotion that every divorce involves, whether we acknowledge it or not. A divorce is a form of loss, and thus, there will be grief. Sure, on the surface, some folks don’t think grief is happening, but some version of it will be there. Therefore, if grief is present, it must be honored and processed.
It’s not necessarily about how happy the marriage was, whether or not you have kids, or even if something truly ugly had occurred. Grief is not only connected to the specifics. It is caused by the experience of loss.
Divorce Will Affect Your Mental Health in Many Ways
Large life changes have been shown to impact everyone — big time. This involves a dramatic increase in stress. Therefore, post-divorce, you may feel emotions and behaviors like:
Low self-esteem
Intrusive thoughts
Depression and/or anxiety
Withdrawing socially
Shame and guilt
Partaking in risky behaviors, e.g., substance abuse, promiscuity, and more
Loss of libido
Increasing insecurity
Spoiler alert: Most, if not all, of these signs can also be symptoms of grief.
What Can Cause Grief After Divorce?
In instances when transgressions like infidelity or abuse were present, it’s more obvious why at least one partner would be mourning. But even the most amicable of divorces involves loss — sometimes abstract conceptions of loss. Even if divorce was the best or only option, you’re left to grieve the loss of a life you expected to have. Your dreams, goals, and plans will not reach fruition. This is a profound loss that may not immediately feel obvious.
So many divorced people understandably feel anger and resentment but this doesn’t change the fact that an entire theoretical future is no longer possible. If this loss is not recognized and resolved, grief can linger and negatively affect your life for a long time.
How to Process Grief After Divorce
Acceptance
As touched on above, denial is not productive. Both former partners would do well to resist putting on a front and instead feel what needs to be felt.
Don’t Expect Specific Stages
Yes, grief has stages, but they are neither linear nor predictable. Expect the unexpected and be patient with the process.
Speaking of Patience…
It can be cathartic to make some major changes in your life after a divorce. It can also be therapeutic. However, there’s no rush. The post-divorce grief and other emotions are not the best environment to be contemplating drastic changes.
When You Feel Ready, Try Something New
Undoubtedly, being married caused you to accept some compromises and sacrifices. Now, you have a golden opportunity to reassess what can enhance your life and help you cultivate a healthy balance.
Embrace Self-Care
Grief is exhausting. This is the time to double down on your self-care regimens to counteract mental and physical fatigue. Safeguard your eating, sleeping, and exercise routines. Find a healthy way to practice stress management. And, while some solitude is helpful, reject the urge to self-isolate.
Get the Support You Need and Deserve
Get comfortable with asking for help. Lean on trusted friends and family members. If your personal life doesn’t make that possible, look into post-divorce support groups. They can provide massive amounts of guidance and solace.
Finding a Grief Coach is Ideal
A mental health professional knows all about the struggles related to divorce and grief. Connecting with a therapist is a proven path toward recovery. It’s not about trying to eliminate stress. Rather, what you need right now is to identify the root causes of such stress as you discover new approaches for managing it. Reach out to know more about grief therapy.
