How the Unmet Needs of Childhood Affect Adult Relationships
As children, it’s hard to imagine that our experiences and overall surroundings will impact our adult relationships. It’s not something that is on a child’s radar, but adults should be aware of this.
If a child grows up being neglected or having unmet needs, it can greatly impact adulthood and future relationships. Unresolved childhood issues can manifest in many ways for both men and women, including difficulty establishing and maintaining healthy relationships.
Throughout this article, we will cover how these unmet needs can have a lasting impact and how they affect adult relationships.
Causes
Unmet needs during childhood can lead to emotional wounds and trauma that have a lifelong effect. These wounds can include:
Lack of praise from the parent or guardian
Parents not being around or active
Little or no necessary love, attention, and validation
Not having a safe space or time with parents to talk about their feelings and what’s happening in their lives.
Impacts
Adult men and women may struggle to trust anyone in professional and personal relationships.
Low Self-Esteem
When childhood needs are unmet, it can greatly impact self-worth and self-esteem in adulthood. An example of this can include needing to seek external validation in relationships. It can also mean settling for less than they deserve, or they can stay in relationships that are not good for them.
Vulnerability
They can also feel more vulnerable and insecure and be unable to form bonds. In personal relationships, they can find it difficult to be intimate or form healthy connections with their partner.
Abandonment
If someone experienced neglect or unmet needs as a child, this can lead to immense fears of abandonment. This can manifest as an intense need to know where their partner is or be alone, which can be perceived as being “clingy” or “possessive.” For many, this can also include needing reassurance in relationships that everything is okay, nothing is wrong, and that they’re not going anywhere.
Validation
To build off of the impacts above, both men and women need constant validation and security. Due to their fear of being left physically or emotionally, they can live in fear and need to know that what they’re doing and acting is “good” or “okay.”
Codependency
Codependency occurs when someone has an unhealthy reliance on others for their emotional and physical well-being. When unmet needs and neglect occur as children, codependent patterns can occur in adult relationships. This can also lead to them being stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Typically, they will put their partner's needs above their own and neglect their own emotional and physical needs.
Difficulty Communicating
This can occur in men and women who experienced emotional neglect throughout their childhood. They can struggle to express their overall emotions and their needs and fears effectively.
How to Heal
Fortunately, there are ways to work through unmet childhood needs. The first step to healing and moving on is acknowledging the presence and how it impacted you. As difficult as it can be, it’s important to admit what occurred when you were younger.
Learning your triggers is a big first step to healing. For example, if you know you don’t like being left alone or out of the loop, let your partner or those closest to you know. Practicing self-care and self-love is also important to not only healing but growing. Give yourself time to do things you enjoy or that better you. Some examples include doing yoga, walking, reading a good book, or practicing meditation.
Try to find ways to talk about how you’re feeling. Speaking with a licensed professional can help. Reach out to learn more about trauma therapy.
