What is the Gottman Method & How Does It Work?
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. At one point or another, couples will experience some level of negativity in their relationship. Sometimes, these problems may be small, but other times, they may need some extra help. One great way to do so is to try couples therapy.
Building off that, trying the Gottman method in couples therapy can help focus on the impact of destructive habits in a relationship. Throughout this article, we will discuss what the Gottman method is, its uses, and the goals of this method.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman method approach to couples therapy is an integrative approach that teaches couples how to make effective and positive changes and how to communicate with each other to prevent further conflict in the relationship.
John Gottman works at the University of Washington as a professor emeritus of psychology. He began his studies in the field of psychology by implementing his background in statistical analysis and advanced mathematics. Throughout his career, he developed models and skills based on his unique skill set to help identify interactive patterns and unstable elements in relationships.
The Four Horsemen
Gottman believes that “four horsemen” lead to relationship strain and discontent, possibly ending in the dissolution of the relationship. These factors include one or both partners:
Being overly defensive
Having contempt for each other or a specific scenario
Being critical of their partner’s personality
Refusing to interact with each other or stonewalling
Sound Relationship House Model
The sound relationship house model helps couples understand how to work together and the various dynamics of their relationship. This model has seven levels and is utilized to build a healthy relationship. Those seven levels are:
Love maps - This involves being aware of a partner’s world while they move through time. It includes their daily life, hopes, goals, stresses, and values, and how they feel and think.
Express fondness and admiration for one another - To function well as a couple, you need to be able to enjoy and appreciate most of the aspects of your partner. In turn, it’s important to be able to live with their differences.
Look to and turn toward each other - When speaking to your partner, it’s important to be engaged and acknowledge what your partner is saying instead of being distracted by something else or not facing them and avoiding eye contact.
Be open to accepting opinions and the influence of your partner.
Solve problems that are easy to solve. While this may seem obvious, working with your partner on things that are easy to solve is important.
Effectively manage conflict - While the Gottman method can help couples manage conflict, it’s important to remember that conflict doesn’t just “go away.” When conflicts arise, it’s important to remain on topic and tackle the conflict together rather than attacking each other.
Have shared meaning - In this step, you create meaning in your relationship by discussing life’s different phases and goals, including money, home, family, and friendship. When you do this, it can help deepen your connection and understanding of each other.
How It Helps
The Gottman method can be an effective method and tool for couples experiencing challenges throughout the relationship. It allows couples to build the skills they need to effectively work through conflict and overcome rough patches in the relationship.
It’s important to note that this method will only work if both partners are ready to do the work it takes to improve their relationship. When going through this method, both partners must be honest with themselves and their therapist.
If you feel like your relationship is struggling, couples therapy can help. Reach out today to set up your first appointment for couples therapy.
