Codependency Vs. Interdependency

When it comes to relationships, there’s no guide or definition of a perfect one. What might work for one couple might not work for another, and that’s okay. Sometimes, couples can become codependent on their partner and rely on them to fulfill unrealistic needs. On the other hand, a couple with an interdependent relationship can find themselves feeling happier and more secure overall.

Here is a look at the difference between codependent and interdependent relationships.

Codependent Relationship Traits

Often, codependent relationship partners will not have an equal balance of power. Codependency in a relationship occurs when one or both partners have some sort of relationship insecurity. In many cases, it is revealed over an extended period of time and not at the very beginning of a relationship. This can be due to individual identities combining, thus finding both partners dependent on this dynamic.

It’s also common for one partner to carry more of the emotional burden, and often, they find themselves taking on additional responsibilities and emotional strains in a relationship. This can be seen as one partner being more of a caretaker and trying to fix things on their own. Someone in a codependent relationship might also ignore or excuse unacceptable or problematic behaviors and compromise their happiness to make their partner happy.

Interdependent Relationship Traits

Conversely, someone in an interdependent relationship will find that they and their partner share equal responsibility for each other’s overall well-being. This often leads to a couple feeling trust, respect, and support for each other.

Couples with an interdependent relationship find themselves being able to express their feelings better and more effectively. They’re also able to compromise and negotiate needs healthily.

Signs of a Codependent Relationship

While there are many signs and indicators of a codependent relationship, some of the most common include:

Always feel like you need to get your partner’s approval.

While it’s important to make major life-changing decisions together, getting approval from your partner to do things you want to do shouldn’t be necessary. This includes spending time with friends and family or spending money on non-consequential purchases.

There is a struggle with being alone.

This can be due to having abandonment issues or past traumas of being left alone. If someone has abandonment issues, it can lead to instability in the relationship. An example could be feeling the need to be in constant communication or always together.

Feeling trapped in the relationship.

Someone in a codependent relationship may feel stuck or unable to set boundaries. In many cases, they cannot focus on their overall health and well-being. This can include feeling as if there’s no “winning” or getting to do what is best for them because it will cause conflict or friction.

Signs of an Interdependent Relationship

The most common theme of an interdependent relationship is openness and honesty between both partners. Additional signs include:

Setting your own goals

In many cases, someone in an interdependent relationship can pursue their goals while building a future with their partner. This can include pursuing hobbies, maintaining friendships outside of the relationship, or working on career goals.

Personal and relationship wellness

An interdependent relationship is characterized by both partners feeling cherished and valued. Both partners take responsibility for their actions and emotional responses and allow room for the other to work through problems in a safe and supportive environment. Communication is always open, and vulnerability is never weaponized.

Setting healthy boundaries

Couples in an interdependent relationship can clearly define and respect boundaries. They’re also able to respect differing thoughts and beliefs.

If you’re in a codependent relationship, the good news is that it’s possible to make changes toward an interdependent relationship. It can feel uncomfortable initially, but the result can lead to a healthier and longer-lasting relationship.

If you’re interested in learning more, therapy can help. Please reach out today for more information about relationship or couples therapy.